Posts Tagged ‘sex’
The other day I was talking to a young lady and I thought that our conversation was really worth sharing. The young lady and I were discussing relationships. I was moved by her story of wanting to be loved but I did not understand her quest to find someone (a young man) to love her. For all of you who know me, I don’t hold my tongue when someone’s life is at stake. I explained that abstinence is my best answer for her desire. I told her that I know abstinence sounds difficult but it is not difficult when it becomes a way of life. I cared enough about that young lady to tell her what I believe to be the truth even though the truth is not popular these days. First, I validated her need for wanting love. I told her that I love her and I care enough about her to help her discover herself. She said that she has discovered herself and that she is now looking for someone to love her. I told her that in the Bible Proverbs 18:22 says, “He that finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord.” The young lady said , “So, what does that old scripture have to do with me here and now?” I told her that she just asked an excellent question (laughing). I asked her to explain to me what she understood the scripture to mean. She said that it seems like the guy who finds a wife will find favor of God. I then asked her to repeat to me what she told me earlier. She said, ” I want to find love!” I asked if she wants to be a wife. She said, “Of course!” I told her that based on this scripture she does not have to go looking for a mate, it is up to God and her husband to find her. She had never heard of that concept and I know why. I told her that our culture today (movies, magazines, books, etc) tells girls and women that it is alright to be promiscuous and go after anyone you want, but they do not present the consequences for those actions. She understood but was still grappling with this new concept. Next, I told her that God gave all people the power of “choice”. I told her that this culture will present an idea and tell you that you have the freedom to do whatever it is they are promoting, but once you do the thing that is being promoted you become a slave to it. You ever notice how cigarette and alcohol advertisements always make it look cool and sexy to use those items. Why? Because those advertisements are meant to seduce us into trying them. They know that once many of us try cigarettes or alcohol that there is a great chance that we could become addicted and this will cause their (companies) profits to soar. You may say I don’t need alcohol to have fun, if so, try not having any alcohol at the next social event that you attend. If you are able to say no, then you are not a slave to the item, but if you cannot do it then you may have been enslaved by the very thing that you were told was your freedom. So, if drinking is your choice, then you can choose to drink or not drink at your own discretion, right? I said all of that to say, things that will eventually enslave you are not from God as He does not set us (his children) up to be servants, in the Bible God calls us “joint heirs” through Jesus Christ. This simply means that if you accept Jesus Christ as your savior that we become joint-heirs or equal heirs of the promise of abundant life. I explained to the young lady that God is so loving that he gives her the choice to serve and to know Him or to reject Him entirely. I explained that this is our example of true love. True love is willing to let you go even if letting you go could ruin your life. I wanted her to also understand that it is not her responsibility to chase a man and find love. It is better to have a man state his intentions and/or love for you, you pray about his true heart for you (or watch his behavior and listen to his words to see if they match), and if all is well, you may consider a marriage relationship with him. I told her that all of these stages require her choices. I advised that she also has the choice to go about here and there looking for love.
The young lady understood but was NOT convinced that any of this applied to her. She said that she needed to find the right guy by having sex with guys because she needed to find the right one. Understanding her point of view and respecting her choice, I asked her if she requires a recent blood test from each of the young men that she sleeps with. She said, “No!” I said, well if you do not believe or understand the spiritual information that I just gave to you, perhaps you will believe the medical community. You have to protect yourself as you can contract sexually transmitted diseases. As a young lady, if you become infected with a disease and become pregnant, you could pass that disease along to your unborn child. She really thought about this idea for a moment and asked me, “What do I do if they refuse to give me a blood test?” I said,”What do you think you should do?” She said, “Not sleep with them?” I told her that this seems logical to me as her life is worth protecting. Also, if she is supposed to go out and find love it would be silly to die of a disease in the process. She agreed. I added that the man who loves her would not mind divulging his medical status to her, right? She nodded and the discussion ended.
Disclaimer: I know that many of you will not agree with me, but I have a right to my opinion just as you have a right to yours (smiling). Also, remember the young lady asked for MY opinion so I gave it to her.
My question to all men and women (potential life-carriers) this week is, do you require a blood test from the person that you have sex with? Is your life worth living? Do you value your life? Do you believe that having sex with people you do not know is safe? Why or why not?
I have received several emails about the first “sex is spiritual posting,” so I have decided to write a little more on the topic.
As you all know I am still a virgin. I have chosen to stay a virgin as I truly believe that sex is spiritual. I am adamant that my body, mind, and soul should only be shared with my husband. I think that if I were having sex and going from sex partner to sex partner that I would be carrying those partners experiences, spirits, and soul nature into the next relationship. I think that this is a recipe for disaster as it takes time and prayer to remove the spiritual baggage that other people leave us with. Again, this notion is what I believe as I walk out my journey and consciously observe the world.
What do you think? I enjoy the dialogue so let’s talk (smiling)!
Wow! I never thought that not having sex would bring up so many feelings toward me from other people. I have been asked question after question. Some people are not speaking to me and others have chosen to ignore me altogether. I must admit that this is funny to me (lol). It seems that some people have forgotten that having sex or not having sex is a choice and I have made mine. I am the same person or friend that I was before I revealed that I am still a virgin. I have to wonder why this revelation has made some people very angry. If anyone has any ideas about this “phenomenon” please let me know. If I have chosen not to have sex, why would that make other people mad? If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them (big smile).
Anyway, as you all know my site is simply my opinions based on how I was raised as a PK (Preacher’s Kid) and how I am on a personal Journey toward bettering myself first and if at all possible, encouraging others to do the same. You all did know that I am/was a PK (Preacher’s Kid), right? Well, if you did not know, I am (lol). On my site, I share from my heart about how I have lived my life in hopes that some young lady somewhere will exercise her choice to live without sex until she is married and ready to handle the responsibilities of sex.
So, one of my readers asked me, “Why have you decided not to have sex?” At first, I thought the answer was a no-brainer, but then I thought this topic was worth exploring. As you all now know, I am a PK (Preacher’s Kid). I was the youngest of four children, so my parents were older when I was growing up in the eighties. I had the opportunity to see the lives of two sisters and one brother and I learned a lot from them. As a young girl, I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. When I accepted Jesus Christ, I decided to accept everything that the Bible said, despite whether or not I agreed with its stance. I felt and still feel that the Bible is relevant and even though times have changed, I believe that the precepts and concepts of the Bible are in place for my total protection and not for my demise.
These are a few scriptures that I read since I was a child that discuss the perils of fornication, they are:
I Corinthians 6:13 (reading the I Corinthians Chapter 6 is good idea to understand these scriptures in context).
…….Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.
I Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body.
I Corinthian 6:19
What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
I Corinthians 6:20
For ye are brought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
Since I was a kid, I just thought that if I believed in something I should live like I believe in what I say that I believe in….that’s just how I feel. So, the first reason I have not engaged in pre-marital sex is because I believe that God does not want me to.
Secondly, as a kid, I was very observant. I just enjoyed watching people and their behaviors. I always wanted to know why I did the things that I did (example: desire, motivation, reason). I also wanted to know why other people did the things that they did. I think I was born asking the question, “Why?” Lol!!! Anyway, in my observations from childhood until the present, I had this theory. My theory was in the form of a question, “Why do people change after they have sex?” Let me explain, I had friends in junior high and high school who had promising futures and bright dreams, but as soon as they had sex they were more concerned about pleasing their sexual partner than they were about their own lives. In my opinion, many people who are engaging in pre-marital sex, seem to lose self-identity. I think that being in relationship with someone should enhance my life not diminish it. I have my own identity and having sex with someone should not erase my existence. Right? I personally did not like this behavior and I vowed to be in a position to take care of myself and be married before I engage in sex. I noticed that when people started to have sex they would often do and say things that were not in their character prior to the sexual encounter. Real talk, this is what I believe. I BELIEVE THAT SEX IS A SPIRITUAL ACT THAT MANIFESTS PHYSICALLY. I THINK THAT WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE FOREVER JOINED TO THEM IN SOME WAY. Personally, I DO NOT want to be joined to someone who I casually care for, which is another reason why pre-marital sex does not work for me.
If you are a person who has had sex before, I have a question for you. After having sex with someone, did you notice that you started to do and say certain things that you never did and said before? Did you feel like you were not quite yourself? Did you find yourself thinking or feeling like your sexual partner? Think about it before you answer. I believe that when men and women engage in sex they are swapping their spiritual selves. For instance, I think if you sleep with someone who has low self-esteem you will touch or access that spiritual problem when you have sex with them. In fact, I think that you may start to feel your own esteem diminish. I know that many people will not agree with me but I think that sex should be in the confines of marriage because whatever issues my future husband and I have will be worked out in the marriage. Because I will choose to be married, I am choosing to share my spirit with my husband only. I am saving myself for marriage because I do not want to be spiritually attached to many men, whether you agree with me or not, I still believe this to be true. If I am wrong in my belief, I think that I will find the truth as I continue on my journey….but if I’m right, I would have saved myself a world of headache and heartache.
As always, I welcome your opinions and feedback. Thanks for Journeying with Judith!
Dear Beautiful Young Ladies:
I hope that you are having a wonderful week! As I told you before I am always thinking about you all. I am dreaming of your future success and I am hopeful that you will reach the success that God and I see in your future.
First off, I wanted to let you know that I understand that some of you may think that I do not understand the conditions of your life because I am a virgin. Some of you may have already had sex at a young age. Some of you may even have children already. I just want to let you know that you are still valuable to me and to God. If you have already had sex that is alright, you are not a bad person or anything. You are just a young lady who acted on the information that you had at that time. You can move past a particular period of time and start anew. I mean it!
You can always make a fresh start for yourself and please do not let anyone tell you anything different.
For the young ladies who may already have children, I have words for you too. I want you to know that God gives the gift of a child to you. No matter how a child arrives in this world, despite if you were married or not, an adult or not, taken advantage of or not, when a child arrives God has bestowed a gift upon you. Never let anyone call your child anything but a blessing, despite how the child came into the world.
Again, I want you all to know that it is never too late to start over. Maybe you lost your virginity already, but that does not mean you cannot be a virgin in your mind and in your behavior again. Being a virgin is more of mental process or way of thinking and behaving anyway. Being a virgin again means that you are shedding the past you once knew to become the young lady or woman that you dream of being. What are your dreams and passions? What do you want from life? What are you willing to work toward and pursue until you reach your goal? Take the time to develop yourself as a total person. Your mind, your soul, and your spirit belong to you and no one else. Let’s be positive from here on out!
Like my Mom used to say to me, “Remember that I love you and I am always praying for you.”