Posts Tagged ‘respect’

Manly and Not Just Male

For those that do not know, I recently lost my Daddy.  When I was a little girl my Daddy spent hours with me as he was disabled by sicknesses.  He worked despite his sicknesses, but his conditions caused him to be able to spend quality time with me.  My Daddy was a great example of what a “real man” should be.  Many women today are always asking me, “Where are the real men?” I don’t have those answers as it appears that many men are simply “male” but they do not possess the attributes of a man.  I am not writing this blog today to bash men but I am writing this blog to celebrate those of you who are MANLY and not just MALE.

I celebrate every man who:

  • Loves and worships God.
  • Cooks and cleans the house for his family to lighten the load on his wife.
  • Works longs hours to support his family.  Takes on additional jobs so that the family will not notice when hard times have hit.
  • Is committed and faithful to his marriage vows if he is married.
  • If he is not married is waiting and preparing for his wife, by protecting himself from sexually transmitted disease, sickness, addictions, working to keep his credit good, has his own housing and transportation, etc.
  • Tells the truth to himself and to others around him no matter the cost.
  • Makes and takes care of his children despite the sacrifice to himself. Takes care of his children despite if he is with the mother of his children or not.
  • Protects his wife and family and considers them sacred as he would give his life for them if danger were present.
  • Teaches his daughters that they are valuable and that they do not have to “accept” any kind of man but rather a quality man. Gives his daughters the confidence to know that they can do anything.
  • Teaches his sons how to love, show emotion when needed, and how to respectfully treat the women in their lives.  Teaches his sons how to make wise decisions.
  • Honors and helps to care for his parents and grandparents.
  • Selflessly does whatever (as long as it is legal) he needs to do to make his family’s life better.
  • Brings honor to his job.  Whatever he does, he does it well, and with great pride.
  • Protects and helps to build his community.
  • Works, works, and then works some more to provide for those that he is responsible for and for those he is not responsible for (I know that I put “work” as an attribute twice but I wanted to stress its importance).

For all of you wonderful men I CELEBRATE YOU, as you are much like the man that gave me life.  For all of you men who are doing the right things, keep doing the right things and know that you are APPRECIATED.

I Met Him at a Party, But Why?

When I hung out with friends I was approached by a man who said, “I know that you have a man, but I think that you are beautiful.”  The unknown guy began a conversation with me and I told him that I did not have a man.  A few minutes into the conversation I was asked the following questions:

1. Are you married?  Have you ever been married?  Do you want to be married?

2. Do you have any children?

3. Are you available later?

After I answered the guy’s questions, I asked him a few questions:

1. Are you married?  Have you ever been married?  Do you have a girlfriend?  Do you have a woman in your life that loves you but maybe you don’t love her back?  Do you have anyone else in your life male or female that thinks that they are in a relationship with you (if you all know like I know you need to ask deep probing questions and not just scratch the surface because there are men out there that will deceive you)? I am asking these questions in a joking way, but I am still watching and listening for his responses.

2. Do you have children?  Do you support them financially (to me this questions is majorly important because any man who can leave behind and not support children would at any moment leave behind and not support me)?

Next, we are sitting there and in usual form I was making jokes and making him laugh.  Before I knew it, the gentleman began to turn the conversation towards his desire to have sex with me.  At that moment, the room went dark for me and the imaginary spotlight turned on me.  I thought to myself, “He has no idea how ignorant he sounds right now!”  First off, I don’t know him!!!!  I hold an advanced degree in public health and you will never have sex with me without first being married to me and second without having a full blood work-up  & examination by a doctor’s office.  I hope that everyone understands that there is NO relationship worth dying for.  African-American women, especially those living in Southern regions, have and are at the highest risk for HIV/AIDS, not to mention the rise in Herpes cases all across America.  I hope that all women require this much of men but I know these days they do not.

My Daddy and brother used to talk when I was a young girl.  They would laugh because they understood that men put women into CATEGORIES. Men think that some women are just for fun so they use them in that way because those women ALLOW themselves to be used.  Men think that other women are for short-term commitments, while they (men) get their emotional and physical needs met.  Lastly, there is another category of  women who are for settling down with and raising a family.  We always have to ask ourselves as women, which category we want to be in because in reality WE CHOOSE the type of woman we will be categorized as.  Depending on how you represent, men will treat a woman accordingly.

So my question always becomes,  since I present like a descent women, I am dressed cutely yet appropriately, I am educated, I have class in varying situations, and I am friendly when approached, then why do men treat me like I am in the fun category?  I just have to ask because I am tired of disrespectful men approaching me like I am the “jump off” woman when I am indeed “a lady” and I expect to be treated as such.  I think that maybe the men of today are so used to having many women to “play” with, that they do not understand when they have met a “woman”.  So I believe, if a man does not know when he has met a woman, then he does not deserve to know or have a woman.  Whenever I see a man fall into this category I jokingly use the song line from the TLC Hip Hop group of the 1990’s, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you are used to.”  Needless to say, this chance meeting with this guy was going nowhere. I met him at a party, but why?  Lol!

Let me know what you think and what your experiences have been.


Center for Disease Control (2010). HIV/AIDS Fact Sheet. Retrieved March 21, 2010 from the CDC website:

“From My Heart 2 Yours”

“Letters To Young Ladies” is a blog topic that has been on my heart for many years.  For so long, I have wanted to speak to the young ladies who are behind me.  I will speak to the young ladies about issues that other women and I have faced as young women.  I feel as if it is my responsibility to be “real” with you all so that you can be the beautiful, intelligent, and respectable women that God created you to be. I want you to know that I love you so much that I am willing to tell you the “truth” about life.  I am willing to become transparent about the experiences that I have had in my life so that you can perhaps learn from them.  You may not always agree or fully understand what I am saying but as you mature and experience life more and more my words will make more sense. Also, you will have my words for many years to come as you will be able to come back to this blog as often as you like. 

I was lying in bed last night thinking about all of the beautiful young ladies that I come in contact with.  I was thinking about the way we as women are expected to look perfect all of the time.  I thought about how much pressure this idea can have on young women.  When I was young I had so many women (ex. Mom, Aunts, Grandmother, etc) to look to when I had questions about how to live life as a woman.  There were some topics that I did not want to discuss with my Mommy so I decided to watch other women.  By the time I was 13 years old, I knew what kind of woman I wanted to be.  I am tired of seeing young ladies on television and in magazines with little to no clothes on.  I am tired of seeing young ladies curse like sailors.  I am tired of seeing young ladies using their bodies as tools to entice boys and men.  I am tired of seeing young ladies starting romantic relationships and having babies before they are fully educated, mature, and dare I say married.  I am tired!!! 

“Young ladies, you are precious in God’s eyes and you should be respected, but no one respects anyone who does not seem to respect themselves.” 

I want to be there for you as I would like to leave these written letters of love.  I want you young ladies to be the best at whatever you become.  I want to help you navigate the obstacles that may come your way.  I am going to be real with you and I am going to be direct, but most of all I am going to be here for you.  I want you to take this Journey with Judith so that I can take this journey with you. 

Young ladies, please feel free to tell me your opinions or ask me any questions that you may have.

What Do Women Want?

Question: I am a 4o year old man. I think that I am nice to women and I am hardworking. I have never been married for fear of settling down with the wrong woman. I have never understood women and I feel like they never understand me. What do women want from us men?

Answer: I think that you are in a better position than most men because you seem to be aware of yourself and the women that you have come in contact with. The main idea that you may want to consider is that contrary to popular belief all women are not the same. Take the time to know a woman for who she is: this includes listening to and understanding her past, present, and future. Then, open up to her in the same way. In essence, women want the same thing you want (to be considered, cared about, loved, appreciated, and respected), we just go about it differently than you do.

I am not a Martian!

My experience as a virgin has been one of being ostracized and insulted. I think my virginity demands respect. I am proud of my decision to abstain from sex until I am married.

I went to the doctor when I was about 25-years old, the nurse practitioner gave me a gynecological exam. While doing the exam, she said, wow it seems like you are still a virgin. I said, “I am!” She immediately asked that I excuse her and she returned with a charge nurse and the two of them suggested that I seek psychological counseling. They proceeded to ask me questions about whether or not I had been molested, raped, etc. I answered, “NO” to all of their questions. I said, “I don’t believe in premarital sex, it’s against what I believe God wants for me.” They said “ok” but treated me like a Martian that just stepped off a space ship.

Virgins chime in if you have any experiences about being a virgin that you would like to share. Non-virgins tell me what you think, Send Judith your thoughts!

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