Posts Tagged ‘men’

A male friend said, “I just don’t understand women!”

It’s funny how I am the friend who other friends usually confide in about issues that they are having in their lives.

The other day a male friend of mine called me very upset. He wanted to vent about an argument that he was having with his girlfriend. I said o.k. let me hear it. He told me about the argument and ended his statement with, “I just don’t understand what women want!” I heard the exasperation and desperation in his voice. I felt that I needed to tell him a hard, yet underrated truth. I said, “I think that may be your problem.” He said, “What do you mean?” I said, “Believe it or not, all women are NOT the same. All women don’t believe the same things, eat the same food, educate at the same places, have all of the same hobbies. Get the point? If women can have so much variety, why are you focusing on what “women” want? If you focus on what women want, you will never learn to please your girlfriend. I laughed, like I usually do and I said, look my friend, stop worrying about what “women” want and start focusing on your girlfriend’s wants and needs. She should be the focus of your education of her and with her. When you learn her habits, care about her feelings, and seek to please her, not only will she be pleased with you, but she will more than likely, extend the same courtesy to you.”

He understood, but found it hard to believe that his relationship issue could be resolved that easily. I told him to try it and let me know if this does not work.

What do you all think? Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think.

Pastor Dejon Jernagin

This week’s blog is a special one as I am highlighting a positive man in our community.  Pastor Dejon Jernagin is a Husband, Father, Pastor, and he is passionate about his work and his creative endeavors.  Please enjoy this wonderful interview!

Name: Pastor Dejon Jernagin

Occupation: Admission Rep for Kaplan College, Pastor Jernagin, Christian Comedian, Screen-Play and Comedy Writer.
Number of Years in Occupation: I have worked in education for 12 years.  I have been a licensed minister for 11 years.

(Judith)  What is your marital status? Do you have children? How has your role as a husband or father affected your career?

(Dejon)  I am married. I have 3 boys (6 yrs, 8 yrs, and 9 yrs). Being a husband and a father has helped my role because it makes me look at things from the right perspective.  I think about what I do, why I do it, and the time it is going to take.  Because I am raising Black men I look at things totally different for their sakes.

(Judith)  During your early years as a man, what were your goals? In the early years, how did you plan to achieve your goals?

(Dejon)  When I was a college basketball player, my goal was to reach the NBA.  I never thought that it was not going to happen.  I played and took odd jobs in basketball in order to reach my goal.

(Judith)  Did you face any hardships that tried to derail your goals? How did you handle the situation? What was your personal turning point?

(Dejon)  In my family alone I was the first to do a lot (i.e. go to college).  I dealt with things spiritually, so I have to give credit to God.  I leaned on brethren from church for support.  The brethren in the church communicated with me and listened to what I was going through as a young man.

(Judith)  As a man, what tools did you need to be successful?

(Dejon)  Discipline is important.  I had to have self-control.  I had to be patient and wait for things.

(Judith)  If you could say anything to your wife about how her presence has impacted your life, what would it be?

(Dejon)  I would thank her for being a virtuous woman and that is how she impacted my life.  She is there for me and for my kids.  I believe that I obtained the favor of the Lord by having a wife that is virtuous.

(Judith)  If you could say anything to your children about how they have impacted your life what would it be? What advice would you give to your children about being successful personally, professionally, and spiritually?

(Dejon)  My sons are three (3) opportunities to correct things that I may not have done right when I was growing up.  I want to help them avoid problems or mistakes that I made. Spiritually, I want them to know that only what they do for Christ will last.  Whatever they do, do it for the glory of God and it will last.”

(Judith)  What are your personal and professional goals?

(Dejon)  My personal goals are:

1). Continue to serve the Lord with everything that I have

2). Position my family for the future financially and spiritually.

3). For my wife and I, I want to prepare to be great grand-parents one day.

4). Professionally, I want to build high schools.  I want to build the first Pentecostal Universities.

(Judith)  What advice would you give to young men or other men in regard to achieving their goals (the secret to your success) in regard to personal growth, family, and career?

(Dejon)  Listen and learn to communicate when you have an opportunity to listen to someone with wisdom (i.e. grand-father).

The Authentic You!

A few months ago,  I had the pleasure of reading one of Milo Edward’s blog posts on Facebook, since then I have become a fan of his work.  Please enjoy Milo’s blog for this week’s edition of the “Just 4 Men Blog.”

When someone ask you, “Who are you?” how do you respond? Odds are you don’t respond to the question properly but you state your job, point in life, function in life or just run off a list of things about yourself that cross your mind. A large number of people have know idea who they are.

The existence of your true self exists on another level, which is genuine and is the core of your authentic self. Your job, point in life or functions can’t describe your authentic being. It is all of the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, rather than what you believe you’re supposed to be and do.

When you’re not living a true authentic life, you feel empty, incomplete and if something is missing. Living like this drains you of much needed energy to pursue the things you really find of value. This fictional way of living will just have you going through the motions rather than enjoying the truly beautiful, meaning filled life you desire. When you ignore your true gifts and talents while performing robotic procedures or familiar roles, you are living in a fictional state of being.

I have some questions I want you to ask yourself, there’s no right or wrong answers. I just want you to expand your thought’s and have a better relationship with yourself, others and enjoy a more fulfilling life. The way to do that is discover the authentic you and live an authentic life.

1. Do you listen to your inner voice? What does it sound like? How does it feel? Are you connected to your inner voice or do you feel you’ve gotten off track?

2. Is your inner being and outer being separate? Does your outer you display your inner thoughts? Do you find people think things of you that aren’t you? How are you seen? Do you display your desires, values, passions, and beliefs in your outward actions? Or do you keep them all inside? How do you plan to make your inner being and outer being ONE?

3. Are you in touch with your authentic self? If not how will you get back on track? Are you willing to do something everyday towards growth of the authentic you? What really sets you free and you love doing? Is it rational and attainable? What do you desire to do? Why aren’t you doing it?

Continue asking yourself questions and taking action towards uncovering the authentic you! Living in the truth and being Authentic will make us all more joyful. You can play the role of a lifetime but you must be the authentic you, all other roles are taken.

Be sure and write down your answers and review them. Your next step forward to finding the AUTHENTIC YOU will appear in your mind!

To read more of Milo’s blogs you may visit his website @: http://miloedwards.com/myblog.cfm

Interview With Jeffrey Hudson

 

Name: Jeffrey Hudson

Occupation:  Los Angeles Fire Department

Number of Years in Occupation: 21 years

(Judith)  What is your marital status?  Do you have children?  How has your role as a husband or father affected your career?

(Jeffrey) I am married.  I have two boys.   I have a dangerous career and because I am married with a family I have to think twice about the danger part of the job. I try to preserve my body.  Sometimes there are things that I cannot oversee like seeing my sons take out the trash.  Sometimes my sons are a little inconsistent on doing chores because I am not there to follow up.

(Judith)  During your early years, what were your goals?  In the early years, how did you plan to achieve your goals?  

(Jeffrey)  My goal was to make myself valuable or attractive to a woman.  I did not use profanity in front of women.  I wanted to be a gentleman so that I would be attractive to women.  I went to college to get a good job and have a nice home so that I would be more attractive to the opposite sex.  Early on, some of my goals were surrounded by other people’s perceptions.      

(Judith)  Did you face any hardships that tried to derail your goals? How did you handle the situation?  What was your personal turning point?

(Jeffrey)  Yes, I did not graduate from college. I was not prepared for college as well as I needed to be.      At that time, I had poor study habits and I was not organized.  Originally, I planned on being a Mechanical Engineer and the second was a Professional Singer.  When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a Singer.  As I got a little older, in my late teens, I decided to go to college.  I did not consider being a Fire Fighter until I was in my twenties.

(Judith)  As a man, what tools did you need to be successful?

(Jeffrey)  My hope of becoming successful was to keep attempting to do something until something worked.  I did not have everything figured out but I had the confidence to know that I would be good at something and that I would be able to turn whatever I did into a livelihood. 

 “God had my life all planned out, regardless of what I would have done.”

(Judith)  If you could say anything to your children about how they have impacted your life what would it be?  What advice would you give to your children about being successful personally, professionally, and spiritually?

(Jeffrey)  I understand that what I do affects my children.  I realize that I am making an impact on their lives so I have to be aware of that.  “Realistically think of what you could be and start to pursue it at an early age. As soon as you know what you want to be then start preparing yourself for that goal, If you want to be an entrepreneur, business person or invent a video game you need to learn as much as you can about what you are interested in. Focus on your goal, and go for it.” 

In terms of spirituality, I believe in getting the children involved in something spiritual.  Begin the child’s spiritual journey when they are young and make it a routine.  “Love the Lord and learn what He is teaching you.”

(Judith)  What advice would you give to young men or other men in regard to achieving their goals?

(Jeffrey)  Try to determine what direction you want to go in early and continue to pursue that goal no matter what.  “Don’t be afraid to express yourself and embrace what you want to be.  Whatever career you choose, pick it because you like and not because it’s not the popular thing to do right now.”  Try not to allow peer pressure to move you away from being a pioneer.  For example, you may have to miss a party or two to pursue your dreams. If you are able to work hard and achieve your goal first, then you can have fun and enjoy yourself after the goal has been completed.”

 

 

Timeless Traxx Radio Host, Tyrone DuBose

I met Tyrone DuBose on Facebook and we have become friends.  I feel like I have known him for years, when in fact it’s only been a few months.  I have come to know Tyrone for his motivational sayings on Facebook.  He has a great attitude that is contagious.  I think that he is an amazing man who has chosen to use his gift in pursuit of his dream, but also to encourage others.  I am honored to have him as my guest and I am sure that you all will enjoy his candid interview.

Name: Tyrone DuBose

Occupation: Primary job is a distribution manager.  He is also a road manager for famous entertainers.

Number of Years in Occupation: Several years

(Judith) What is your marital status?

(Tyrone) Single, but I am in a relationship, although I have been married twice.

(Judith)  After being married twice, what lessons did you learn about marriage?

(Tyrone)   “I have learned to make a life for myself before trying to make one with someone else.” In lessons learned, I recognize that it is difficult to pursue your dream while being in a marriage because you have to make the marriage the first priority.   Each marriage allowed me the opportunity to look at myself.

(Judith)  Do you have children?

(Tyrone)  Yes, I have three girls and a boy.

(Judith)  During your early years as a man, what were your goals?

(Tyrone)  I always wanted to play baseball and be in radio.

(Judith)  In the early years, how did you plan to achieve your goals?

(Tyrone)  In the early years, I had a goal without a deadline.  I had problems focusing and finish things but as time went on I realized that I could do it.   I played two years in the minor league.

(Judith)  Was there ever a time when you thought that you would not achieve your dream?

(Tyrone)  No, I watched the movie “Rocky” and it had a big impact on me.  The message of the movie was not that Rocky lost but that he tried.

Did you face any hardships that tried to derail your goals? How did you handle the situation?  What was your personal turning point?

(Tyrone)  I just did not know what to do to reach my goal.  I watched a show years ago called “Making the Band (not the show by P. Diddy)” in 2000.  It showed how dedicated 5 kids were in reaching their dreams.  The show made me realize, “I can do it!”

(Judith)  Did you reach your goals?

(Tyrone) Yes, I played two years in the minor league and I am on the radio.

(Judith)  How important do you think it is to help others pursue their dreams?

(Tyrone)  It’s huge.  It’s mandatory as a human being. I am required to help others in some capacity. I was watching the Oprah Show with John Travolta when Oprah told John that he makes people feel good by just being around him. I like to learn life lessons.  I’m almost 50 years old so I feel like I have to strike now while the iron is hot.   I have always had determination but I turned it on and off.  I truly believe in people and I do not pretend to do or be anything that I am not.

(Judith)  As a man, what tools did you need to be successful?

(Tyrone)  I needed to be 1) realistic with myself 2) plan my work and work my plan.

(Judith)  If you could say anything to your daughters about how they have impacted your life, what would it be?  What advice would you give to your daughters about being successful in life?

(Tyrone)  “Thank you for giving me a chance to make things right.“  “Never stop believing in yourselves, you can always make your dreams come true.”

(Judith)  If you could say anything to your son about how he has impacted your life, what would it be?  What advice would you give to your son about being successful in life?

(Tyrone)  “I only want the best for you, simply be yourself because being yourself will get you everywhere in life.  Thank you for making me a better Dad.  Your birth caused me to grow up.”

(Judith)  What spiritual advice would you give to all of your children?

(Tyrone)  “Your choices may come from you but God has the power.”

(Judith)  If the Tyrone of today could have given the Tyrone of yesterday any advice, what would it be?

(Tyrone)  All my life I never followed through on anything.  I was a big dreamer. I was ok with just getting to the door but I never opened it and walked through. I learned that it’s ok to go through the door.

Read more about Tyrone DuBose and his awesome radio show at www.tyronedubose.com or www.timelesstraxx.com

What’s on your mind?

I would love to hear from the men this week.  What is on your minds?

Manly and Not Just Male

For those that do not know, I recently lost my Daddy.  When I was a little girl my Daddy spent hours with me as he was disabled by sicknesses.  He worked despite his sicknesses, but his conditions caused him to be able to spend quality time with me.  My Daddy was a great example of what a “real man” should be.  Many women today are always asking me, “Where are the real men?” I don’t have those answers as it appears that many men are simply “male” but they do not possess the attributes of a man.  I am not writing this blog today to bash men but I am writing this blog to celebrate those of you who are MANLY and not just MALE.

I celebrate every man who:

  • Loves and worships God.
  • Cooks and cleans the house for his family to lighten the load on his wife.
  • Works longs hours to support his family.  Takes on additional jobs so that the family will not notice when hard times have hit.
  • Is committed and faithful to his marriage vows if he is married.
  • If he is not married is waiting and preparing for his wife, by protecting himself from sexually transmitted disease, sickness, addictions, working to keep his credit good, has his own housing and transportation, etc.
  • Tells the truth to himself and to others around him no matter the cost.
  • Makes and takes care of his children despite the sacrifice to himself. Takes care of his children despite if he is with the mother of his children or not.
  • Protects his wife and family and considers them sacred as he would give his life for them if danger were present.
  • Teaches his daughters that they are valuable and that they do not have to “accept” any kind of man but rather a quality man. Gives his daughters the confidence to know that they can do anything.
  • Teaches his sons how to love, show emotion when needed, and how to respectfully treat the women in their lives.  Teaches his sons how to make wise decisions.
  • Honors and helps to care for his parents and grandparents.
  • Selflessly does whatever (as long as it is legal) he needs to do to make his family’s life better.
  • Brings honor to his job.  Whatever he does, he does it well, and with great pride.
  • Protects and helps to build his community.
  • Works, works, and then works some more to provide for those that he is responsible for and for those he is not responsible for (I know that I put “work” as an attribute twice but I wanted to stress its importance).

For all of you wonderful men I CELEBRATE YOU, as you are much like the man that gave me life.  For all of you men who are doing the right things, keep doing the right things and know that you are APPRECIATED.

I Met Him at a Party, But Why?

When I hung out with friends I was approached by a man who said, “I know that you have a man, but I think that you are beautiful.”  The unknown guy began a conversation with me and I told him that I did not have a man.  A few minutes into the conversation I was asked the following questions:

1. Are you married?  Have you ever been married?  Do you want to be married?

2. Do you have any children?

3. Are you available later?

After I answered the guy’s questions, I asked him a few questions:

1. Are you married?  Have you ever been married?  Do you have a girlfriend?  Do you have a woman in your life that loves you but maybe you don’t love her back?  Do you have anyone else in your life male or female that thinks that they are in a relationship with you (if you all know like I know you need to ask deep probing questions and not just scratch the surface because there are men out there that will deceive you)? I am asking these questions in a joking way, but I am still watching and listening for his responses.

2. Do you have children?  Do you support them financially (to me this questions is majorly important because any man who can leave behind and not support children would at any moment leave behind and not support me)?

Next, we are sitting there and in usual form I was making jokes and making him laugh.  Before I knew it, the gentleman began to turn the conversation towards his desire to have sex with me.  At that moment, the room went dark for me and the imaginary spotlight turned on me.  I thought to myself, “He has no idea how ignorant he sounds right now!”  First off, I don’t know him!!!!  I hold an advanced degree in public health and you will never have sex with me without first being married to me and second without having a full blood work-up  & examination by a doctor’s office.  I hope that everyone understands that there is NO relationship worth dying for.  African-American women, especially those living in Southern regions, have and are at the highest risk for HIV/AIDS, not to mention the rise in Herpes cases all across America.  I hope that all women require this much of men but I know these days they do not.

My Daddy and brother used to talk when I was a young girl.  They would laugh because they understood that men put women into CATEGORIES. Men think that some women are just for fun so they use them in that way because those women ALLOW themselves to be used.  Men think that other women are for short-term commitments, while they (men) get their emotional and physical needs met.  Lastly, there is another category of  women who are for settling down with and raising a family.  We always have to ask ourselves as women, which category we want to be in because in reality WE CHOOSE the type of woman we will be categorized as.  Depending on how you represent, men will treat a woman accordingly.

So my question always becomes,  since I present like a descent women, I am dressed cutely yet appropriately, I am educated, I have class in varying situations, and I am friendly when approached, then why do men treat me like I am in the fun category?  I just have to ask because I am tired of disrespectful men approaching me like I am the “jump off” woman when I am indeed “a lady” and I expect to be treated as such.  I think that maybe the men of today are so used to having many women to “play” with, that they do not understand when they have met a “woman”.  So I believe, if a man does not know when he has met a woman, then he does not deserve to know or have a woman.  Whenever I see a man fall into this category I jokingly use the song line from the TLC Hip Hop group of the 1990’s, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you are used to.”  Needless to say, this chance meeting with this guy was going nowhere. I met him at a party, but why?  Lol!

Let me know what you think and what your experiences have been.

Reference:

Center for Disease Control (2010). HIV/AIDS Fact Sheet. Retrieved March 21, 2010 from the CDC website: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/resources/factsheets/aa.htm

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