Posts Tagged ‘forgiveness’

Unforgiveness: Loving Someone Who Hurt You

Is there someone or something in your life that you need to forgive?  Did you know that unforgiveness and bitterness can negatively effect your health?

Listen to Judith’s story about how she overcame unforgiveness and how forgiveness gave her a new lease on life.

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Loving Someone Who Hurt You at #BlogTalkRadio


Who hurt you?

As the end of  the year approaches, wouldn’t  it be nice to leave all of your unresolved disappointments, grievances, hurts, and pains in 2012?  Wouldn’t  it be nice to start 2013 on a positive note, free from un-forgiveness and strife that may have plagued you for years?

Take a few moments and reflect within yourself.  Is there someone that you need to forgive in order to move forward in your own life?  Remember, forgiveness is not so much for the other person as it is for your own emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health.

So, if you are interested in being free. Take out a pin and paper. Think of all of the people who may have hurt or offended you in the past that you may still be resentful towards.  Write their names on the paper.

Then say out loud, “I release myself from the anger, bitterness, and disappointment that these people caused me. I forgive myself for feeling like I did something wrong to deserve their mistreatment.  From this day forward, I forgive them and I forgive myself.  I will live my life free of bitterness and strife.  I open myself to all of God’s possibilities for my life. Amen!”

Once you have spoken those words destroy the piece of paper as a symbol that those people or those past experiences will no longer have power over you.

Welcome to your new positive life!


In Memory of Aunt Joy P. C.

Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peace-makers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

This week’s blog is dedicated to my beloved Aunt Joy Patricia Calloway.  As I write I am crying and deeply saddened by her recent passing on Sunday, September 12, 2010.  Today, she was laid to rest on September 18, 2010 and her services were held at Fellowship Church in Martinsville, Virginia where my Uncle Bishop Phillip Calloway, Sr. presides.  I tried to mentally prepare for the news of her passing for months as I heard that she was ill and I was unable to go and see her.  I must admit that there is no amount of preparation that could have prepared me for the actual news.  I am deeply saddened and I deeply feel the loss her physical presence. My siblings and I always knew that we not only had two (2) parents, we had three (3), and our third parent was Aunt Joy.  Aunt Joy was there for my siblings and I.  She was my Mom’s (her sister’s) best friend.   She always sent gifts for birthdays and special occasions.  She said, “I love you,” for no special reason.  She was a jewel and I hope that she understood just how loved she was by her entire family.  I remember how her face would light up when it was time for her to praise God.  I admired her love of music and wanted desperately for her to teach me how to play the piano.  I did not want the wonderful legacy of playing piano by ear to be lost. The second to the last time that I spoke to Aunt Joy, I really cried hard to her on the telephone and I told her that I would do whatever I could to help take care of her but I just needed to finish school.  I hoped that she would hold on but I guess she could not.  She cried too and seemed moved that I reacted to her in that way, but I could hear the pain and fear in her voice as she was having to deal with the issues of aging.  I wanted more for her I wanted the best life possible for her. In fact, in my daily prayers I prayed that God would meet her every needs and give her peace and joy in place of pain and sorrow.  I prayed that God would bless me financially so that I could bless her.

Aunt Joy was single by choice she never married or had any children of her own, but she believed that her nieces, nephews, and god-children all belonged to her.   Aunt Joy was a quiet storm, she did not say too much but she was always thinking. She believed in having quality friendships and not just the quantity of acquaintances.  She loved good company, good friends, and family.  Aunt Joy was an awesome woman, aunt, sister, daughter, co-worker, piano player, and friend.  She was a woman of good reputation.  She was quiet and did not need much attention, but you could not ignore her spirit once she entered a room. She was comfortable in her own skin and never spent time being pretentious.  She enjoyed the simple things in life like playing the weekly crossword puzzle.  When I lived in Connecticut she asked me to take her crossword puzzle to the local newspaper (Connecticut Post?) in hopes that she would win the weekly prize.  Aunt Joy was a peace-maker, she truly placed the needs of others above her own, despite the costs to herself.

With her whole heart she loved her family and hoped that we could all just “LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND GET ALONG”.

I cannot tell you how many times she said those words to me.  I watched my Aunt Joy play the piano for all of the churches that she was a member of and at the church conventions.  She played the piano without expecting any payment for her talent.  She just enjoyed playing the piano, realizing that God had given her this terrific gift.   Aunt Joy would turn her head to the right and break out singing “I Surrender All” in a soprano tone.  I loved every moment of it even when I could not stop laughing at her tone.  If she was having trouble with asthma when she started to sing she would look down in the audience and give me, my sisters, and cousins the cue to get up and come to the microphones to sing.  It always amazed me that my entire family on both sides can sing beautifully.  What a legacy!!!!  .  Lastly, my Aunt Joy was one of the most loving people that I had the pleasure of knowing.

To my family and all of us who remain, I believe that my Aunt Joy would want us to be forgiving and loving to one another.  Simply put, we as a family need to get over old grudges and disagreements.  We have to understand that we will disagree sometimes but we must always resolve.  With that said, I would like to apologize to an older cousin.  In regard to your comment on FB, I still believe that you should not have a made a comment like that in the open, but I am sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way.  Aunt Joy would want us to get to know one another instead of judging each other on stories that we have heard.  Aunt Joy always took the time to know people for her self.  I believe that Aunt Joy would want us to live our best lives by personally developing ourselves in the areas where we need work.  She would want us to support one another and show genuine concern for one another.  To my family, I pray that we would work on being healthier mentally, physically, and financially.  Let’s not wait for bad things (i.e. sickness, bankruptcy, depression, anxiety, anger, hatred, and unforgiveness) to happen to us before we decide to change unhealthy patterns. If we have a problem with our food choices and sugar consumption, like me, then let’s work on our personal issues.  Why?  Because, when we work on our personal issues, we are less judgmental and angry with the family and with the world.  The truth is, when we are at peace with ourselves we are able to have a better relationship with God (whom I call Jesus Christ).  Aunt Joy is at peace now and I believe that she would want those of us who remain to have peace on earth too.

In closing, in honor of Aunt Joy, I want to offer my condolences to the family (Calloway, Wall, and Llewellyn) and I hope that we are able to re-connect in ways that we never have before.  I pray that we will be more forgiving as a family, more loving, healthier, more prosperous, and more connected.  If I have offended anyone in my family in the past or present I am humbly seeking your forgiveness.  Also, I want you all to know that I love you all enormously and I want a fresh start with all of you and I am offering the same fresh start to all of you.

As always, feel free to post a comment and enjoy your family and friends to the fullest as tomorrow is not promised.

Forgiveness=Living A Healthy Life #2


Last Sunday, I went to church and the guest speaker began to talk about forgiveness. Of course “forgiveness” is a topic that we all know about, but how many of us really practice what we hear or what we know that we should do?  In my previous post regarding forgiveness I expressed my recent experience about forgiving someone but after hearing and mediating on forgiveness again I realized that I have a laundry list of people or things that I need to forgive.  Again, after meditating on the idea of forgiveness I realized that I still have a lot of forgiving to do in order to experience “true” freedom in my own life.  As usual, I am going to be candid with myself because I believe that candor is the only way to grow and/or evolve as a human being, or more specifically, as a woman.  Here is my list:

1. I forgive my body for being sick for the first 25 years of my life.

2. I forgive myself for the things in my life that I did not achieve or do and began to regret.

3. I resolve and let go of the past and all the tumultuous situations that I have lived through.

4. I forgive all of those who have transgressed against me and seek forgiveness from those I may have transgressed against.

5.  I release any bitterness, jealousy, and guile that may be in my heart against anyone for any past or present disappointments.

6. I forgive myself of all of the things that I was not aware of that caused me to miss opportunities or life goals.

7. I forgive the pains and the people within my family  that may have hurt me.

8. I forgive my Uncle who said I would be pregnant if I was not near my Dad when I was in eighth grade.

9. I forgive all of the people who told me that “I could not or could never” do this or that in life.

10. I forgive all of the people who have made me promises that they never kept.

11. I forgive my parents for dying and leaving me here to figure out life without their guidance or support.

12. I forgive the woman who first called me a n_gg_r when I was in elementary school.

13. I forgive the professor at my undergraduate alma mater who said that I should drop out of college and perhaps become a hairdresser because I asked him for study tips as my Mommy was battling Lupus and I was beginning to feel the strain on my grades.

14.  And most of all, I forgive myself, let me repeat that one, I FORGIVE MYSELF for any mistakes I have made!!!

After reading my laundry list, do you have a laundry list of your own?  If so, make a list of your own and free yourself once and for all. Let me know how you feel after you release your past.

Forgiveness=Living A Healthy Life


This week I decided to do something different.  I usually talk about a product that I like or an exercise that I enjoy.  This week I want to talk about something that was negatively affecting my health in a worse way than the lack of healthy eating habits and exercise.  I was dealing with a situation that I could not let go of.  Sometimes you cannot understand how people can be so terrible, so dishonest, so selfish, etc.  I just kept thinking about this terrible situation.  I prayed about it and I even told the Offender that I will forgive them no matter what.  Truth is, I did not forgive.  My un-forgiveness turned to hatred and was beginning to turn to bitterness.

Last Sunday, my Pastor preached a sermon from Matthew 18:21-35.  He emphasized the Bible’s emphasis on forgiving 70X 7=490 times.  He talked about the idea that the 490 number indicates that we should never stop forgiving and we should not be keeping track of how many times we have forgiven.  Of course I knew this information but things mean more to you when you hear them and you are going through the particular situation.  Anyway, while he continued to preach, I wrote God a letter.  In the letter I told God that if he would reverse the effects of what my Offender did to me, and allow me to recover from the situation, that I would forgive.

While I was writing my letter to God, my Pastor said something else that really struck a chord.  He talked about the effects of un-forgiveness.  He said that before God gave his son Jesus I was in debt to sin, which made me a debtor.  Because God gave me his son Jesus to pay the ransom for my sin, I am now a creditor.  I am a creditor because I am now able to forgive others based on the sacrifice of forgiveness that has been given to me.  Lastly, if I decide not to forgive others, despite the fact that God freely forgave me, then I myself become a prisoner.  SO TRUE! 

Right then and there I prayed a sincere prayer to God and I felt Him heal my heart.  I felt so much better and my weight/burden was lifted.  I decided that I would not be a prisoner to un-forgiveness.  The cool thing is, I was able to release myself from this prison.  How rare is that?  A prison where I had the keys to be released?  Of course, it was harder to do than I am saying, but I am glad I let myself out of prison.  Needless to say, during last week many doors that were previously closed to me opened up and I am so eternally grateful……so I said all of that to say…..THE KEY TO GOD’S BLESSINGS IN MY LIFE ARE IN HAVING A FORGIVING HEART AND BEING FORGIVING.  

Last Sunday, I thought of this diagram which would visually portray my Pastor’s sermon. I hope you don’t mind Pastor Marlon but I made a picture out of the Bible’s words and your sermon.  Many thanks!

Un-forgiveness ~Concept by Pastor Marlon Saunders

Cycle of Un-forgiveness (diagram created by Judith):



 Debtor                                                         Prisoner

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