Archive for September, 2010
The other day I was talking to a young lady and I thought that our conversation was really worth sharing. The young lady and I were discussing relationships. I was moved by her story of wanting to be loved but I did not understand her quest to find someone (a young man) to love her. For all of you who know me, I don’t hold my tongue when someone’s life is at stake. I explained that abstinence is my best answer for her desire. I told her that I know abstinence sounds difficult but it is not difficult when it becomes a way of life. I cared enough about that young lady to tell her what I believe to be the truth even though the truth is not popular these days. First, I validated her need for wanting love. I told her that I love her and I care enough about her to help her discover herself. She said that she has discovered herself and that she is now looking for someone to love her. I told her that in the Bible Proverbs 18:22 says, “He that finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord.” The young lady said , “So, what does that old scripture have to do with me here and now?” I told her that she just asked an excellent question (laughing). I asked her to explain to me what she understood the scripture to mean. She said that it seems like the guy who finds a wife will find favor of God. I then asked her to repeat to me what she told me earlier. She said, ” I want to find love!” I asked if she wants to be a wife. She said, “Of course!” I told her that based on this scripture she does not have to go looking for a mate, it is up to God and her husband to find her. She had never heard of that concept and I know why. I told her that our culture today (movies, magazines, books, etc) tells girls and women that it is alright to be promiscuous and go after anyone you want, but they do not present the consequences for those actions. She understood but was still grappling with this new concept. Next, I told her that God gave all people the power of “choice”. I told her that this culture will present an idea and tell you that you have the freedom to do whatever it is they are promoting, but once you do the thing that is being promoted you become a slave to it. You ever notice how cigarette and alcohol advertisements always make it look cool and sexy to use those items. Why? Because those advertisements are meant to seduce us into trying them. They know that once many of us try cigarettes or alcohol that there is a great chance that we could become addicted and this will cause their (companies) profits to soar. You may say I don’t need alcohol to have fun, if so, try not having any alcohol at the next social event that you attend. If you are able to say no, then you are not a slave to the item, but if you cannot do it then you may have been enslaved by the very thing that you were told was your freedom. So, if drinking is your choice, then you can choose to drink or not drink at your own discretion, right? I said all of that to say, things that will eventually enslave you are not from God as He does not set us (his children) up to be servants, in the Bible God calls us “joint heirs” through Jesus Christ. This simply means that if you accept Jesus Christ as your savior that we become joint-heirs or equal heirs of the promise of abundant life. I explained to the young lady that God is so loving that he gives her the choice to serve and to know Him or to reject Him entirely. I explained that this is our example of true love. True love is willing to let you go even if letting you go could ruin your life. I wanted her to also understand that it is not her responsibility to chase a man and find love. It is better to have a man state his intentions and/or love for you, you pray about his true heart for you (or watch his behavior and listen to his words to see if they match), and if all is well, you may consider a marriage relationship with him. I told her that all of these stages require her choices. I advised that she also has the choice to go about here and there looking for love.
The young lady understood but was NOT convinced that any of this applied to her. She said that she needed to find the right guy by having sex with guys because she needed to find the right one. Understanding her point of view and respecting her choice, I asked her if she requires a recent blood test from each of the young men that she sleeps with. She said, “No!” I said, well if you do not believe or understand the spiritual information that I just gave to you, perhaps you will believe the medical community. You have to protect yourself as you can contract sexually transmitted diseases. As a young lady, if you become infected with a disease and become pregnant, you could pass that disease along to your unborn child. She really thought about this idea for a moment and asked me, “What do I do if they refuse to give me a blood test?” I said,”What do you think you should do?” She said, “Not sleep with them?” I told her that this seems logical to me as her life is worth protecting. Also, if she is supposed to go out and find love it would be silly to die of a disease in the process. She agreed. I added that the man who loves her would not mind divulging his medical status to her, right? She nodded and the discussion ended.
Disclaimer: I know that many of you will not agree with me, but I have a right to my opinion just as you have a right to yours (smiling). Also, remember the young lady asked for MY opinion so I gave it to her.
My question to all men and women (potential life-carriers) this week is, do you require a blood test from the person that you have sex with? Is your life worth living? Do you value your life? Do you believe that having sex with people you do not know is safe? Why or why not?
We have reached 100 posts in just five (5) months!!! We would like to thank all of the “Journey With Judith” readers for your comments and for taking the time to read the blogs. Also, we have received 837 comments from you all. Great job readers!!!
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Great news! I have been on my no flour no sugar lifestyle change for nearly four (4) weeks and I have lost six pounds. I must admit that I feel much better with my new eating plan. Since we last spoke, I attended a CEA (Compulsive Overeaters Anonymous) How Meeting to see if their method could help me in my goal of permanent weight loss. I must say I really enjoyed the meeting and I would recommend the program to anyone who wants to deal with the emotional issues that cause one to overeat. Also, CEA How is a free weightloss program. The only requirement in order to join the group is to have a willingness to change old eating habits and complete compliance with your “new lifestyle eating plan.” If you are interested I will post the link below and on the cite.
I have also been working out at least 2-3 times a week. Now that the hot summer is over I intend on finding a worthy tennis opponent so that I can get back to the business of “winning.” Lol!
Does anyone have any great tasting recipes that involve meat and vegetables? These days that’s all I am eating, I’m not complaining, I just want a little variety (big smile).
Let’s keep one another motivated, please comment and let me know how your health journey is going.
This week’s blog is dedicated to my beloved Aunt Joy Patricia Calloway. As I write I am crying and deeply saddened by her recent passing on Sunday, September 12, 2010. Today, she was laid to rest on September 18, 2010 and her services were held at Fellowship Church in Martinsville, Virginia where my Uncle Bishop Phillip Calloway, Sr. presides. I tried to mentally prepare for the news of her passing for months as I heard that she was ill and I was unable to go and see her. I must admit that there is no amount of preparation that could have prepared me for the actual news. I am deeply saddened and I deeply feel the loss her physical presence. My siblings and I always knew that we not only had two (2) parents, we had three (3), and our third parent was Aunt Joy. Aunt Joy was there for my siblings and I. She was my Mom’s (her sister’s) best friend. She always sent gifts for birthdays and special occasions. She said, “I love you,” for no special reason. She was a jewel and I hope that she understood just how loved she was by her entire family. I remember how her face would light up when it was time for her to praise God. I admired her love of music and wanted desperately for her to teach me how to play the piano. I did not want the wonderful legacy of playing piano by ear to be lost. The second to the last time that I spoke to Aunt Joy, I really cried hard to her on the telephone and I told her that I would do whatever I could to help take care of her but I just needed to finish school. I hoped that she would hold on but I guess she could not. She cried too and seemed moved that I reacted to her in that way, but I could hear the pain and fear in her voice as she was having to deal with the issues of aging. I wanted more for her I wanted the best life possible for her. In fact, in my daily prayers I prayed that God would meet her every needs and give her peace and joy in place of pain and sorrow. I prayed that God would bless me financially so that I could bless her.
Aunt Joy was single by choice she never married or had any children of her own, but she believed that her nieces, nephews, and god-children all belonged to her. Aunt Joy was a quiet storm, she did not say too much but she was always thinking. She believed in having quality friendships and not just the quantity of acquaintances. She loved good company, good friends, and family. Aunt Joy was an awesome woman, aunt, sister, daughter, co-worker, piano player, and friend. She was a woman of good reputation. She was quiet and did not need much attention, but you could not ignore her spirit once she entered a room. She was comfortable in her own skin and never spent time being pretentious. She enjoyed the simple things in life like playing the weekly crossword puzzle. When I lived in Connecticut she asked me to take her crossword puzzle to the local newspaper (Connecticut Post?) in hopes that she would win the weekly prize. Aunt Joy was a peace-maker, she truly placed the needs of others above her own, despite the costs to herself.
With her whole heart she loved her family and hoped that we could all just “LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND GET ALONG”.
I cannot tell you how many times she said those words to me. I watched my Aunt Joy play the piano for all of the churches that she was a member of and at the church conventions. She played the piano without expecting any payment for her talent. She just enjoyed playing the piano, realizing that God had given her this terrific gift. Aunt Joy would turn her head to the right and break out singing “I Surrender All” in a soprano tone. I loved every moment of it even when I could not stop laughing at her tone. If she was having trouble with asthma when she started to sing she would look down in the audience and give me, my sisters, and cousins the cue to get up and come to the microphones to sing. It always amazed me that my entire family on both sides can sing beautifully. What a legacy!!!! . Lastly, my Aunt Joy was one of the most loving people that I had the pleasure of knowing.
To my family and all of us who remain, I believe that my Aunt Joy would want us to be forgiving and loving to one another. Simply put, we as a family need to get over old grudges and disagreements. We have to understand that we will disagree sometimes but we must always resolve. With that said, I would like to apologize to an older cousin. In regard to your comment on FB, I still believe that you should not have a made a comment like that in the open, but I am sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way. Aunt Joy would want us to get to know one another instead of judging each other on stories that we have heard. Aunt Joy always took the time to know people for her self. I believe that Aunt Joy would want us to live our best lives by personally developing ourselves in the areas where we need work. She would want us to support one another and show genuine concern for one another. To my family, I pray that we would work on being healthier mentally, physically, and financially. Let’s not wait for bad things (i.e. sickness, bankruptcy, depression, anxiety, anger, hatred, and unforgiveness) to happen to us before we decide to change unhealthy patterns. If we have a problem with our food choices and sugar consumption, like me, then let’s work on our personal issues. Why? Because, when we work on our personal issues, we are less judgmental and angry with the family and with the world. The truth is, when we are at peace with ourselves we are able to have a better relationship with God (whom I call Jesus Christ). Aunt Joy is at peace now and I believe that she would want those of us who remain to have peace on earth too.
In closing, in honor of Aunt Joy, I want to offer my condolences to the family (Calloway, Wall, and Llewellyn) and I hope that we are able to re-connect in ways that we never have before. I pray that we will be more forgiving as a family, more loving, healthier, more prosperous, and more connected. If I have offended anyone in my family in the past or present I am humbly seeking your forgiveness. Also, I want you all to know that I love you all enormously and I want a fresh start with all of you and I am offering the same fresh start to all of you.
As always, feel free to post a comment and enjoy your family and friends to the fullest as tomorrow is not promised.
This weekend I had the awesome privilege of attending the “Women of Faith Conference” in Anaheim, CA for the first time. The theme was “Imagine.” It was amazing!!!!
The speakers were awesome and they included: Mary Graham, Luci Swindoll, Karen James, Lisa Harper and Sheila Walsh. Nicole Johnson provided phenomenal dramatic skits for all of us to enjoy. Kudos Nicole, you are an amazing gift and you are using the talent that God gave you to the fullest! The musical talent included: Mary-Mary and Natalie Grant.
On Saturday, Natalie sang an old hymn called “It Is Well,”. She sang it a cappella and it was phenomenal. I felt such a peace and assurance that everything was going to be fine. When I returned home on Sunday morning, I received news that my Mom’s sister, who was like a second mother to myself and my siblings, had passed away an hour before on Sunday. God always prepares us for what is to come through his Spirit. I am saddened by the loss of my Aunt, but I am encouraged by God’s compassion in allowing me to be spiritually charged before I received this news especially since I lost my Dad only ten(10) months ago.
For any women seeking a great time and a time for spiritual awakening, I encourage you to attend the 2011 event. For more information please visit www.womenoffaith.com.
Dear Young Ladies:
An important part of succeeding in life is to show courtesy and respect to others. The other day a nine year old walked up to me and said, “Hi, Judith!” I smiled and said, “Hello,” but I was troubled by this lack of respect. When I was a child my parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and the community would not have taken kindly to disrespectful behavior from a child.
I remember when I was a girl I went to my Great Aunt’s House. This Aunt was my grandfather’s sister. Anyway, my Mom took me to her house to visit. She was so happy to see her brother’s grandchildren she immediately went into the kitchen and started to call out all of the foods that she wanted to offer me. I politely told her that I did not want any food, but as soon as I did, I gazed at my Mom and she was giving me what we call in my family as “the evil eye”. I was respectfully afraid of my Mom so I changed my answer to my Great Aunt. I told my Great Aunt, “I would love a piece of cake!” I think that it is important to add that my parents’ families were both from the south and in the south it can be thought of as an insult to refuse food that is offered to you, especially if that offer comes from an elder. Anyway, I walked over to where the cake was on the counter and there were hundreds of ants all over the cake. My Great Aunt did not notice the ants because she was getting older. I looked back over at my Mom and my Mom made it clear with her face that I had better eat the cake no matter what. I took the large slice of cake that my Great Aunt cut for me and walked it over to the couch with my milk. I showed my Mom that the ants were inside of the cake. My Mom looked at me sternly and whispered, “Eat the cake so that you don’t hurt her feelings.” Of course, this story is funny now but it was not funny then. Lol! Despite the ants that I ate that day (lol), I learned a valuable lesson. I learned the importance of protecting another person’s feelings at the expense of my own. I am not suggesting that you ignore your own feelings for the sake of another all of the time ,but I do think that it is important for us to remember to respect people who are older than us. If you are a child always call the adult person Mr. Jack or Ms. Jill. This shows the person that you have respect and that you were raised well by your parents. If you are spending time with grandparents, great aunts, or any other adult be sure to speak in a respectful tone, do not be a smarty pants or disrespectful in your actions or speech. Also, be patient and help them if they need it. Remember you will get old one day too and you will want someone to treat you well too.
If you have any stories about “respect” feel free to drop me a line. Are you respectful? Do you think being respectful is important? Why or why not?
Great news! I completed my Biostatistics class with success!!! As you can tell, I am extremely excited because this class was difficult to say the least. I am happy to report that I am moving onto the second year of my doctoral program.
What are you studying? How are you making your life better? Feel free to leave a comment and let us know how you are improving your life’s journey.
Hi Young Ladies:
I have missed you all so much! I was held up these past two weeks with finals, so I am glad to be back.
When I was a young girl I was the youngest of four children. My brother and sisters are nine, ten, and eleven years older than me. Wow, right! My siblings were older and wanted little to do with me as a kid, except if it helped them stay in the good graces of my parents(joking but there are elements of truth). Lol! My oldest sister was the nicest to me as she made time for me and helped to raise me out of the kindness of her heart as my parents were sick for my entire life. One day, my oldest sister told me that she would take me to the mall on Friday. If memory serves me correctly, she must have made this promise to me on a Sunday because I was excited for that entire week. I did all of my chores without being asked, I did all of my homework, etc. I was determined that nothing would stand in the way of my trip to the mall as I was long overdue for a trip to the “Hello Kitty Shop.” When Friday finally arrived, my sister came home from work in a rush. She took a shower, sang, put on perfume, and got all dolled up. I thought that her behavior was a bit strange for a trip to the mall but I was not prepared for what happened next. My sister was finally dressed so when I saw her grab her purse and car keys, I grabbed my things and said, “I”m ready!” Without any hesitation she said, “For what!” I said, “I’m ready to go the mall!” She said, “I’m not taking you to the mall today, I have a date with Ray, maybe I’ll take you tomorrow.” I could not believe that she did that to me. When I was a kid we lived in Pasadena and our house was on a bus route that would take me straight to the mall. I always went to the mall by myself or with friends on the bus. If she would have bothered to tell me this bit of information I would not have expected to go to the mall with her. After all, she made a promise and I did not force her to make it. I was livid! Why would someone make a promise and just break it without even being sorry? After my sister told me that I was not going to the mall she went out of the back door. I immediately ran in the kitchen, filled a pot with water, ran out of the house behind her with the pot, I called her name and as she turned around and was just about to get into her car I threw the whole pot of water on her. She was upset but she soon learned that I do not take kindly to broken promises. Lol!
From that day forward I battled my anger from “broken promises”. I feel like promises should mean something so if a person cannot fulfill their promise then a) don’t make the promise or b) communicate with the person before the promise is broken. This shows that you are at least aware of your promise and you are sorry that you cannot fulfill it. I have since learned to control my anger but that does not change the fact that my temperature rises and I see red when I get angry but I do not allow my anger to ruin my life. Anger is another emotion that is necessary but it must be controlled. Sometimes, we want to get even but we have to remember that there are consequences for bad behavior. As I got older, I learned to think about why I am angry and to talk myself through the anger process. I would talk about what I would like to do to get even but I do not get even.
I thought that this is a good topic to discuss as I see how popular the relatively new “Bad Girls” show is becoming. Believe me, as a young lady it is never a good idea to behave badly in public. As I always say, women are held to a higher standard in our society than men. Men can do bad things and in a short time they can go on without the gossip and slander that would follow a woman for the rest of her life. I don’t know why this double standard exists but believe me, it does.
Are you angry? Do you know why? Start a journal about what makes you angry, why it makes you angry, and how you will learn to handle or channel your anger in a positive way. Please submit a comment and let me know how you are doing.
Last Sunday, I went to church and the guest speaker began to talk about forgiveness. Of course “forgiveness” is a topic that we all know about, but how many of us really practice what we hear or what we know that we should do? In my previous post regarding forgiveness I expressed my recent experience about forgiving someone but after hearing and mediating on forgiveness again I realized that I have a laundry list of people or things that I need to forgive. Again, after meditating on the idea of forgiveness I realized that I still have a lot of forgiving to do in order to experience “true” freedom in my own life. As usual, I am going to be candid with myself because I believe that candor is the only way to grow and/or evolve as a human being, or more specifically, as a woman. Here is my list:
1. I forgive my body for being sick for the first 25 years of my life.
2. I forgive myself for the things in my life that I did not achieve or do and began to regret.
3. I resolve and let go of the past and all the tumultuous situations that I have lived through.
4. I forgive all of those who have transgressed against me and seek forgiveness from those I may have transgressed against.
5. I release any bitterness, jealousy, and guile that may be in my heart against anyone for any past or present disappointments.
6. I forgive myself of all of the things that I was not aware of that caused me to miss opportunities or life goals.
7. I forgive the pains and the people within my family that may have hurt me.
8. I forgive my Uncle who said I would be pregnant if I was not near my Dad when I was in eighth grade.
9. I forgive all of the people who told me that “I could not or could never” do this or that in life.
10. I forgive all of the people who have made me promises that they never kept.
11. I forgive my parents for dying and leaving me here to figure out life without their guidance or support.
12. I forgive the woman who first called me a n_gg_r when I was in elementary school.
13. I forgive the professor at my undergraduate alma mater who said that I should drop out of college and perhaps become a hairdresser because I asked him for study tips as my Mommy was battling Lupus and I was beginning to feel the strain on my grades.
14. And most of all, I forgive myself, let me repeat that one, I FORGIVE MYSELF for any mistakes I have made!!!
After reading my laundry list, do you have a laundry list of your own? If so, make a list of your own and free yourself once and for all. Let me know how you feel after you release your past.
My health journey continues….. Right now, I am working on reducing my Mercury levels. It’s a long story but I will reveal more once I have completed some of the items that my doctor has suggested. I will reveal one thing though, if you have any Mercury fillings in your mouth, please have them removed immediately as they can be detrimental to your health. I have also changed my diet once again to exclude flour and sugar. I will reveal more on this too in the coming weeks, so subscribe today so that you do not miss it.
I hope that you all continue to be proactive in your health journey. Remember symptoms are usually a manifestation of a problem more deeply rooted. Try to cure yourself and not just remove or cover up a symptom. Of course, this is just my humble opinion. Lol!
As always, leave a comment about your health journey, I am always interested in hearing other people’s journey to achieving “true health.”