Archive for April, 2010
Since I started this blog, I have been approached by several men on my site and on Facebook. Most men have been very respectful and friendly in their approach, but others….well I don’t think I need to say more. I am a very friendly person and I enjoy talking and laughing. I don’t care if I am talking to a Harvard educated man or a man who has no formal education. I will talk to anyone who approaches me in the correct manner. When I first meet a guy, I like to hear him say, “Hello, Judith, my name is __________.” Then I like the guy to tell me something about himself. After that, we can dialogue. Is this fair or am I asking too much?
What is so hard about greeting a lady? I don’t like being talked to like I am your homeboy, especially when we are meeting for the FIRST time. I AM A LADY!!! Here is a list of the pet-peeve phrases (non-greetings) that have been used to grab my attention:
1. What up Shorty (pronounced what up shawty)?
2. Can I holla at you a minute?
3. I see them legs (mouth gapped open and drooling while they hold their crotch)!!!! I see ya girl (ha ha yelling out loud)!
4. What it do?
5. What’s good?
I like to be talked to like a living and thinking human being. Ladies, how do you like for men to approach you when you meet them for the first time? Gentleman, how do you usually approach a woman when you meet her for the first time? What do you say and how do you act toward her? I need to hear from you all on this one. If I am expecting too much PLEASE let me know (hands up and partially smiling). LOL!
I met Tyrone DuBose on Facebook and we have become friends. I feel like I have known him for years, when in fact it’s only been a few months. I have come to know Tyrone for his motivational sayings on Facebook. He has a great attitude that is contagious. I think that he is an amazing man who has chosen to use his gift in pursuit of his dream, but also to encourage others. I am honored to have him as my guest and I am sure that you all will enjoy his candid interview.
Name: Tyrone DuBose
Occupation: Primary job is a distribution manager. He is also a road manager for famous entertainers.
Number of Years in Occupation: Several years
(Judith) What is your marital status?
(Tyrone) Single, but I am in a relationship, although I have been married twice.
(Judith) After being married twice, what lessons did you learn about marriage?
(Tyrone) “I have learned to make a life for myself before trying to make one with someone else.” In lessons learned, I recognize that it is difficult to pursue your dream while being in a marriage because you have to make the marriage the first priority. Each marriage allowed me the opportunity to look at myself.
(Judith) Do you have children?
(Tyrone) Yes, I have three girls and a boy.
(Judith) During your early years as a man, what were your goals?
(Tyrone) I always wanted to play baseball and be in radio.
(Judith) In the early years, how did you plan to achieve your goals?
(Tyrone) In the early years, I had a goal without a deadline. I had problems focusing and finish things but as time went on I realized that I could do it. I played two years in the minor league.
(Judith) Was there ever a time when you thought that you would not achieve your dream?
(Tyrone) No, I watched the movie “Rocky” and it had a big impact on me. The message of the movie was not that Rocky lost but that he tried.
Did you face any hardships that tried to derail your goals? How did you handle the situation? What was your personal turning point?
(Tyrone) I just did not know what to do to reach my goal. I watched a show years ago called “Making the Band (not the show by P. Diddy)” in 2000. It showed how dedicated 5 kids were in reaching their dreams. The show made me realize, “I can do it!”
(Judith) Did you reach your goals?
(Tyrone) Yes, I played two years in the minor league and I am on the radio.
(Judith) How important do you think it is to help others pursue their dreams?
(Tyrone) It’s huge. It’s mandatory as a human being. I am required to help others in some capacity. I was watching the Oprah Show with John Travolta when Oprah told John that he makes people feel good by just being around him. I like to learn life lessons. I’m almost 50 years old so I feel like I have to strike now while the iron is hot. I have always had determination but I turned it on and off. I truly believe in people and I do not pretend to do or be anything that I am not.
(Judith) As a man, what tools did you need to be successful?
(Tyrone) I needed to be 1) realistic with myself 2) plan my work and work my plan.
(Judith) If you could say anything to your daughters about how they have impacted your life, what would it be? What advice would you give to your daughters about being successful in life?
(Tyrone) “Thank you for giving me a chance to make things right.“ “Never stop believing in yourselves, you can always make your dreams come true.”
(Judith) If you could say anything to your son about how he has impacted your life, what would it be? What advice would you give to your son about being successful in life?
(Tyrone) “I only want the best for you, simply be yourself because being yourself will get you everywhere in life. Thank you for making me a better Dad. Your birth caused me to grow up.”
(Judith) What spiritual advice would you give to all of your children?
(Tyrone) “Your choices may come from you but God has the power.”
(Judith) If the Tyrone of today could have given the Tyrone of yesterday any advice, what would it be?
(Tyrone) All my life I never followed through on anything. I was a big dreamer. I was ok with just getting to the door but I never opened it and walked through. I learned that it’s ok to go through the door.
Dear Young Ladies:
I hope that you are having a great week! I was thinking about this week’s topic and I heard my Dad’s voice in my head. My Dad said, “What are you advertising?” When I was a little girl my Dad would take me shopping for school and for church clothes. One day, I picked up a dress with the back cut out and I told my Dad that I wanted the dress for church. He looked down at me, waited a minute, and then smiled. My Dad said, “Baby, that’s not the kind of dress for you. A dress like that would attract the wrong kind of young men to you. If you wear that dress, young men would treat you disrespectfully and they could potentially hurt you.” I did not fully understand what he meant at that moment but I tried to dress modestly and not show too much cleavage or too much legs. I tried to keep my body and its curves covered up until I got to college….
When I got to college, I thought I had outgrown my Daddy’s advice and I started to wear mini skirts and tank tops. After all, I was a young woman now totally able to make my own decisions. Yeah, I was free!!!! I knew everything!!! I wore my jeans super tight and my shirts cut low. At that time I would joke to my friends that my clothing motto was, “If it ain’t tight it ain’t right!”
One day, I went to a mechanic to have my car repaired. The mechanic was in his late 40’s and he was married. I had to ride to the auto parts shop with this mechanic while my car was at his home disabled. That ride was the worst ride of my life. I remember that I was wearing a short jean mini skirt with a fitted shirt and a jean jacket. When I sat down the skirt sat at the very top of my thighs. That dirty old guy said THE MOST vulgar things to me about my legs and what he wanted to do to me. I was so uncomfortable I prepared myself for the worst because I knew I would have to cause him to crash his car if he touched me. In about 30 minutes this horrific ride was over and I was back at my car untouched physically, but feeling completely disrespected and dirty emotionally. After that day, I realized that my Daddy was right. I realized that he gave me advice about how to dress in public because he wanted to protect my feelings, my sexual integrity, and my safety.
I know that this advice may not be ordinary to you these days but I am telling you this because I love you and I do NOT want anyone to hurt you based on your ADVERTISING. So before you put on those super tight jeans (which I love too cause they are cute), that top showing all of your chest with no bra on, and those four-inch stilettos just ask yourself this question, “What am I advertising?”
I am always thinking about the enormous peer pressure that you are under. I want you to understand that I know the feeling because I have been there too. I love you and I am praying for you.
When I was a little girl I was allergic to everything. I could not tolerate perfumes, flowers, dust, dander, dog hair, cat hair, or anything else that could possibly make a person sneeze. I was allergic to just about everything in life. If people around me had the flu I would catch the flu and catch it ten times worse than the person who gave it to me. In fact, I was prone to catch pneumonia every year. The medical professionals in the Emergency Room were starting to know me by first name.
I went to my doctor and told her of my troubles and she tried a series of prescription medicines, but they would all stop working after a few months. I was irritated by the fact that I was paying $25 to $40 a month on prescription allergy medicines that failed miserably, so I was determined to find something more natural. One day while watching Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN) there was a man on a health show. The man said that he had allergies his whole life and he could not find any relief. I immediately perked up and turned the television volume up as high as I could get it. The man said that he had taken many allergy medicines but none of them ever helped. I thought, “Wow, that’s my story!” The man went on to say that he did not realize that his allergy symptoms also meant that his immune system was weak. I thought to myself, really (intrigued with eyebrows raised)?
In the next segment of the show, the host introduced the product that has changed my life. The product is called Colloidal Silver. I know that it sounds weird, but it is pure water with silver in it which is protective against infections. I have been using this product for 4 years and because of it I no longer take the over the counter or prescription allergy medicines. I have had people around me who had the most terrible viruses imaginable, but I did not have to partake in their illness. Amazing, I tell you! I love this product but what I love most is that I saved hundreds of dollars a year and built my immune system all at the same time.
Colloidal Silver can be purchased from organic grocery chains. I purchase my colloidal silver from Whole Foods. The product brand is called Sovereign Silver and it is located on the allergy and sinus shelf in the health and beauty section of Whole Foods.
To check out their website and learn more about the product please visit: www.sovereignsilver.info
Five years ago when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure disease I was forced to evaluate my eating habits. It was a very difficult process but I started paying attention to all the things that I ate. I have to admit, it was NOT a pretty sight. I asked my doctor what does having high blood pressure mean. She said that it means that I could have things stuck in my veins (plaque buildup from bad diet) that are causing my heart to have to work harder. She also explained to me that being overweight means that I developed more blood vessels to nourish a bigger body. As the body is trying to accommodate my bigger body my heart is working harder to get the blood through all of those extra places. I finally understood! I was determined to make a change even if that meant I made very small changes. I stopped using corn oil, canola oil, or any other oil that was not extra virgin olive oil. If I eat any vegetable, bread, or meat I usually put a little olive oil on it. I think I’ll use olive oil for life. Lol!
Let me know what you think! Do you have any tips or recipes for me?
I received this question from Stephanie R. when I was preparing for the JWJ Blog about a year ago. I always want to have open relationship dialogue on JWJ because I think that it is important.
I think that the answer to this question is very interesting. Men that play relationship games are not mature men yet, they are merely males. When I was a little girl my Dad spent a lot of time with me. He took me school shopping every year until I was 14 years old. He took me to the bank and taught me how to bank and how to save money. He took me out to eat every week just to talk to me about what was on my mind. During one of our outings, my Dad told me, “Judi, when a man wants you, he will do anything to show you that he wants you to be his woman. He will not stop at anything (in a positive way not a dangerous one) to make you his woman. He will protect you, respect you, provide for you, and love you.” If you meet a man that does not show you the adoration and respect that you deserve then understand that he is not the one for you. My Dad said that a man should be able to tell the woman that he loves her first. The man is supposed to state his intentions with a woman and then the woman decides if she is interested in his offer. A woman should be waiting until the man reveals his love for her. If he does not reveal his love then you have to understand that he does NOT love you.
I think that if a woman notices that a man is playing games, she should sit down and have a talk with him. Find out if he is really playing games or not, perhaps he has some kind of insecurity that he is trying to hide. If the guy cannot tell you how he feels for and about himself, then you have a problem. Furthermore, if a man cannot clearly tell you what he thinks about you and how he feels about you (2 different questions), then I would suggest leaving that guy alone.
What do you all think about this topic? Why do some men like to play games instead of just being honest in a relationship? I would love to hear from both men and women on this one. Let’s talk!
I sat down with a good friend of mine named Shawn Harrison. Shawn and I met in college while attending U.C.L.A. in the mid 1990’s. He and I had tons of fun and we were both Psychology undergraduate majors, so you can often find us in a heated debate about relationships, life, or just about anything. We are both stubborn and we can be unwavering in our beliefs on a topic. Shawn and I have very similar taste when it comes to art, movies, and music. Sometimes, I think that he is the male version of me (lol). I know that you will enjoy seeing this side of him. He is a phenomenal guy with loads of talent that the world has yet to experience. Some people think that Shawn can be blunt and rude, but I know him to be a good listener, a good advice giver, a good son, and a good friend. For all of us who have watched his work on screen (Waldo of Family Matters or Peaches of Girlfriends) he is known to leave our sides hurting from laughter. So grab a cup of tea, a snack, and enjoy this interview with my friend, Shawn.
Name: Shawn Harrison
Number of Years in Occupation: 31 years
(Judith) What is your marital status? (Shawn) Single
(Judith) Are you dating? (Shawn) No
(Judith) Do you desire to be married?
(Shawn) No,not at this time.
(Judith) What qualities would you bring to a mate?
(Shawn) Being responsible, being a good communicator, good listener, attentive, and also knowing how to deal with real issues and not petty issues that have nothing to do with the things that can cause strife in a relationship.
(Judith) What qualities do you want in a mate?
(Shawn) She would have to be talented, have a personality that meshes with someone as sarcastic as I am. She would have to be able to control her own grievances well (no attitude). I want someone who is comfortable being in a room and not talking all the time, being settled in a relationship. If the relationship works it is natural, unnecessary chatter is not wanted. I want someone who understands my body language, which is an indicator of my mood. I want someone who is skilled and who does not make a mountain out of a mole-hill. I also want someone who knows how to cook well. I would like someone with a jovial-fun spirit and someone who is a good communicator.
(Judith) During your early years, what were your goals? How did you plan to achieve your goals?
(Shawn) I always wanted to be an actor since I was four years old. It started as a hobby but I realized that I had a good skill set so I decided to do acting for the long term.
(Judith) Did you ever have other career options?
(Shawn) Yes, I also wanted to become a computer engineer, a teacher, a psychologist, and I considered a career in law. Ultimately, I decided that entertainment was where my natural ability was stronger than the other careers. I pursued acting and my bachelor’s degree because I enjoyed going to school.
(Judith) Where did you begin your college career? How was your g.p.a. (lol)?
(Shawn) I began my college career at community colleges. The majority of classes were taken at LA Harbor College and some classes were completed at Cerritos College where I completed my General Education courses. I transferred to the University of California, Los Angeles where I obtained my Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology. I had a very strong grade point average.
(Judith) Who was your strongest mentor?
(Shawn) I did not have a mentor. I had people that had a strong influence on me, mostly my mother. I also had a dance teacher named, Nancy, who was also a strong influence on me. I just knew what I was capable of so I worked hard to pursue my goal. There were other encouragers along the way too. “Sometimes I needed someone to encourage my uniqueness.” Around 15 years old, I could not find a part on a sitcom and I never had much success. At 15 yrs old I received a random call for a television audition called “Day By Day”. I wasn’t taking it seriously because I did not usually get these types of roles. My Mom was my coach but I wanted to do the audition my own way. My Mom became upset because I was jokingly practicing for the audition. When I walked into the audition, I read for the role and the producers in the room began to laugh. I had never had producers laugh at my performance before. In fact, I did not see anything funny about my performance. Two hours later I booked the part. This was a live taped show. When I arrived on set and performed my role, the audience laughed too, so I was surprised. I learned that perseverance pays off. Timing is everything. The previous rejection led me to audition in a natural way and that caused me to get the kind of parts that I had never gotten before.
(Judith) How did your journey lead you to the popular television show known as “Family Matters?”
(Shawn) At 16 yrs old I was thinking about the future. I was working at a fast food restaurant so I would pick and choose which auditions I could take. I decided to go to the “Family Matters” audition because I was a fan of the show. At the audition, I looked at the sides, and worked on the material. I did the audition and the producers laughed. As I left, I knew that I would not get the part. I had a good idea that Larenz Tate had been cast for the part. The casting director followed me out and asked me to read for the character of Waldo. I struggled with the new part that they gave me because I could not find the funny in the story. I hit the wall and could not think of anything to make this a funny role. I took a deep breath and began the audition. The first two lines were “What are you going to do Willy? Why are you going to do that Willy? I said, “Watcha gonna do Willy? Why ya gonna do that Willy?” During my audition, the producers found my read hilarious and I was booked for the part of Waldo later that night. I appeared on the show and it was funny and memorable as Larenz Tate and I were cast as bullies to the Urkel character. Larenz and I had another appearance on “Family Matters” after that. We were offered contracts but Larenz declined and I signed with the show. I stayed with the cast for 5 seasons on ABC TV.
(Judith) Did you face any hardships that tried to derail your goals? How did you handle the situation?
(Shawn) Yes, my Mom passed away unexpectedly when I was 17 yrs old. My Mom raised me to understand that tragedy does happen but you have to deal with tragedy. “I had to come up with a plan, find out what needed to be done, and execute.” At the time of her passing, I was going to school and working on “Family Matters” so I had things that still needed to be done. Yes, my Mom’s death had an affect on my career. I felt like I lost my buffer and I had to learn everything through the school of hard-knocks. My Mom and I were two different personality types because she could deal in gray areas with people whereas I prefer the black and white. My Mom was my coach and she helped to make sure that I made it to auditions.
(Judith) What talents do you have that other people may not know about?
(Shawn) My best natural skill was dancing, although I am known for acting.
(Judith) Did your two influences ever give you any advice?
(Shawn) Yes, after placing second in a dance competition because I did not follow the advice offered to me by my dance instructor and my Mother. After the competition my Mom and dance teacher really gave me an earful.
Mom’s Advice: “Always give it your all and follow the advice of those wiser than you.” How much effort are you putting into what you are capable of doing? I expect you to do more for yourself if you are capable of doing it.” This advice helped me to perfect my craft.
My Mom and dance teacher encouraged me to present my skill in a way that says that I love what I do….in other words, always have great showmanship.
(Judith) What has been the secret to your success?
(Shawn) I have attributes that make me happy as a performer. I always come to work prepared. At work, I am accommodating to those that I work with. I try to be easy going at work and not bring personal problems to work. Being on time is important. I try to develop and create characters in such as way to entertain those who are watching, I learned this from my work as a sitcom actor.
This may sound cliché, but, “Life in entertainment is about being ready for the opportunity being presented to you. When you do get the audition make sure that you have taken the classes, you know the etiquette, and you have the training needed for your job.” Also, I am a very coachable actor. Lastly, I always use the notes that are given to me from the director or producer to breathe life into the vision of their work.
(Judith) What do you hope to achieve in the future?
(Shawn) I hope to have a fruitful career as a producer in tv and film. I would like to co-star in a few more television series. I like comedy but I am an actor and I am ready for any opportunity no matter if it is a stage play, drama, etc. Sitcoms are my specialty but I am open to other opportunities.
(Judith) Have you had the opportunity to achieve the best work of your career?
(Shawn) No. I always want the characters that I play to be memorable and I have more characters that I want to share with my fans.
To further review Shawn Harrison’s Acting Credits feel free to visit: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0365873/
For all of the JWJ readers who do not know me, I am very adventurous. I love to try new things especially things from places that I have not yet traveled. Anyway, a few years ago, my best friend was pregnant. My sister and I decided to throw the baby shower for my friend. If you knew my best friend, you would know that she is very eclectic and unique. Anyway, we wanted her baby shower to fit her unique personality so I read somewhere that belly dancing helps pregnant women with childbirth. That was all I needed to hear! “I’ll do it, I said!” I hired a belly dancer and she came to the baby shower. First the belly dancer performed and then she gave all the party goers a chance to dance too. We had a great and memorable time.
After that experience, I decided that I wanted to take a belly dance class. I had more questions about this Middle Eastern form of expression. I found a local class and enrolled. I learned how to do hip drops, circles, figure eights and shimmies. Boy can I shimmie!! Lol! Anyway, belly dancing is said to have many health benefits like: reducing back and joint pains, relieving symptoms of PMS, increasing bone density, it is a low impact exercise, helps with weight loss, and decreases stress.
I did not know that belly dancing had so many health benefits at the time of the class, but I do know that I had FUN!!
World Belly Dance. (2010) Health Benefits of Belly Dance. Retrieved April 12, 2010 from the World Belly Dance website: http://www.worldbellydance.com/benefits.html
Dear Beautiful Young Ladies:
I hope that you are having a wonderful week! As I told you before I am always thinking about you all. I am dreaming of your future success and I am hopeful that you will reach the success that God and I see in your future.
First off, I wanted to let you know that I understand that some of you may think that I do not understand the conditions of your life because I am a virgin. Some of you may have already had sex at a young age. Some of you may even have children already. I just want to let you know that you are still valuable to me and to God. If you have already had sex that is alright, you are not a bad person or anything. You are just a young lady who acted on the information that you had at that time. You can move past a particular period of time and start anew. I mean it!
You can always make a fresh start for yourself and please do not let anyone tell you anything different.
For the young ladies who may already have children, I have words for you too. I want you to know that God gives the gift of a child to you. No matter how a child arrives in this world, despite if you were married or not, an adult or not, taken advantage of or not, when a child arrives God has bestowed a gift upon you. Never let anyone call your child anything but a blessing, despite how the child came into the world.
Again, I want you all to know that it is never too late to start over. Maybe you lost your virginity already, but that does not mean you cannot be a virgin in your mind and in your behavior again. Being a virgin is more of mental process or way of thinking and behaving anyway. Being a virgin again means that you are shedding the past you once knew to become the young lady or woman that you dream of being. What are your dreams and passions? What do you want from life? What are you willing to work toward and pursue until you reach your goal? Take the time to develop yourself as a total person. Your mind, your soul, and your spirit belong to you and no one else. Let’s be positive from here on out!
Like my Mom used to say to me, “Remember that I love you and I am always praying for you.”
Before I started my journey to better health I was in complete denial that I needed to change unhealthy eating habits that I had. In fact, it was not until I was in an Epidemiology class that I realized that I was at risk for chronic and cardiovascular disease. Examples of cardiovascular or disease related to the heart or blood supply, include: heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, arthritis, and diabetes. These diseases are also known as chronic diseases.
According to the Center for Disease Control, chronic diseases are the most common, the most costly, and the most preventable of all health problems in the United States.
I will never forget the day my professor was lecturing. She was talking about risk factors and how many people, especially people of color, do not realize that they are at risk for diseases. Next, she began to mention risk factors like, asthma. I thought to myself I was born with asthma. Then, my professor said high blood pressure. I had just been diagnosed with that. Also, my doctor said that I was pre-diabetic. Next, the professor threw out the words “excessive stress.” I wanted to raise both hands on that one!!!! Then she said being overweight increases your risk of chronic and cardiovascular disease. As you can see, I was a big living breathing RISK and I was not going to allow my life to be snuffed out by my ignorance of healthy eating habits. I have always loved to play tennis and softball so exercising was not a problem for me but I did not realize the importance of understanding what I allowed to go inside my body. At that moment, I truly understood that I WAS A MANIFESTATION OF WHAT I HAD BEEN EATING AND THAT WAS WHY MY HEALTH WAS FAILING. Wow! I started to ask myself one question, “Am I wiling to change?” My answer was a resounding, “Yes!” That was my turning point and I am fighting to win the battle over my weight issue. Although weight is a battle for me, I am determined to win as I have never encountered a fight in my life that I did not eventually win. I am armed with the reason why I have been overweight so my understanding of my issue will help me shed the weight forever…..well that’s my goal (lol).
Center for Disease Control and Prevention. (2010). Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion. Retrieved April 12, 2010 from the Center for Disease Control website: http://www.cdc.gov/chronicdisease/overview/index.htm